& it's so easy to love you

Let's let this die naturally

2008-10-09T03:03:00.002+11:00

Since I know you're getting bored with me & I can never, ever compare to her.

Please to be reading--

2008-07-14T22:48:00.002+11:00

-- my Manila Bulletin article. It came out today. It's in the Youth & Campus section, at the last page, haha. Don't mind my uber huge forehead in the accompanying picture.

It's a pretty sight, my name in newsprint. :)

I R LD.

2008-07-14T02:21:00.002+11:00

Laid-back Doer (LD)

(Just visiting? Take the free personality test and determine your iPersonic type!)

Laid-back Doers are friendly, happy persons. They enjoy being together with other people. Smart, eloquent, witty and charming, they like to be the centre of attraction. They do not like to be alone. Their zest for life ensures that others feel well in their company and that they quickly get to know people. Laid-back Doers get the best out of every moment - many people of this type have a gift for making their whole life one big party. Boredom is unknown in their presence because they are very good at carrying others away with their enthusiasm, their good mood and their optimism.

Abstract thinking and profound philosophising about the meaning of life appeal less to Laid-back Doers. They are pragmatic, realistic and live completely in the here and now. At work too, they prefer it when it’s all go and they can act out their purposeful manner to the full. They have no problem handling several tasks at once and they blossom out in crisis situations! A varied field of activity with a lot of social contacts is just the right thing for them. One will also seldom find them inactive in their spare time; due to their open, curious nature, they mostly have many hobbies and interests. They are not afraid of the unknown: as they are flexible and creative, they quickly adjust to new situations and make the best of them. They sometimes come into conflict with strict rules or hierarchies by which they quickly feel constrained and against which they rebel.

As friends, Laid-back Doers are generous, helpful persons who attach great importance to harmonious relationships and a good atmosphere. Their sociable manner means that they have a large circle of friends and they love having the house full of many different types of guests. They are happy to give in to their spontaneous moods and fancies in the just one or two important things. This makes them appear somewhat unpredictable to those with a quieter nature. When it really matters, you can rely on them one hundred percent. As partners, they are creative, impetuous and imaginative - as long as their partner knows how to fascinate them. They can hardly stand boredom or routine in a relationship. They do not like conflicts at all; if a relationship becomes too strenuous or involves too much effort, they tend to withdraw from the partnership and start to look for a new partner. However, if one manages to keep their curiosity alive in the long term and surprise them again and again, one has a loyal and loving partner.

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Adjectives which describe your type

extroverted, practical, emotional, spontaneous, enthusiastic, friendly, playful, lively, talkative, nonchalant, tolerant, happy, pleasant, generous, flexible, wily, attractive, relationship-oriented, generous, adventurous, fun-loving, creative, helpful, action-loving, casual, sociable, open, sensitive, touchy, erratic, curious, noncommittal, action-loving

These subjects could interest you

going out, dancing, parties, cinema, eating out, sport and travel (club holidays), music, trekking, camping, hiking, cooking, handicrafts, nature

Don't like.

2008-07-10T02:50:00.003+11:00

I hate being jealous. I especially hate being jealous of ugly girls.

My day was just great up until that. Now I want to throw a tantrum of the chair-throwing, face-breaking kind.

I feel fat & ugly now boohoohoo.

Here, have a poem.

-----

Caffeine

Because you do not know me, Francezca,
you have every reason to be afraid—

afraid because, while you are sleeping,
I can be the moon, peeping in from out your window
like some lonely lunar voyeur,

or some rusty blade or kitchen knife when
you feel like ending your life with a quick slash
or laceration;

because, when you wake up,
I can be the toothbrush dangling silently in your bathroom,
or the forlorn cotton bud preparing to rid your ears of dust
and excessive earwax.

This is no time to relax, Francezca—
I can be anywhere anytime,
anyone and anything you cannot even begin to imagine:

the whipped cream on your waffle, the mothballs in your closet,
the card tag of your tea bag, the jaundiced shade of moonlight,
the moon-cake you hate, the steady staccato of rain,
the flush’s fecal fouette, the hair inside your nose,
your lip, your mole, black hair and brown irises,
white teeth and red gums, your scalp, your skin,
even your toenails.

What is scary, Francezca, is the fact
that you don’t even know when the attack will be, or in what form,
regardless of how serious or mundane—
an armada of bees, strong winds, neon-colored paperclips,
glow-in-the-dark nail polish, even a dark, monstrous thundercloud
hanging dreadfully in the shadowy shroud of night
waiting for the right time to drip.

Perhaps
I can be the wet sock on your wet foot
in your wet shoe.

Perhaps
I can be the urine-colored contents of a bottle
of Mountain Dew.

Perhaps
I can be the clip that holds
your hair, or

a soft grain of rice on your lip
like a white lonely lotus
on a placid pond of blood, red paint, and cherry dust.

Please, do not wipe your mouth with your hand or kerchief—
just lick your lip then
SWALLOW.

-- Angelo V. Suarez

Even if

2008-07-07T11:47:00.002+11:00

Things are starting to become routine for me, which is actually a good thing. Rhythm is established. Rhythm is good for me.

-----

I still feel like shit over not graduating this year. And I'm kind of tired of having to explain my doomed academic history to just about everyone.

I don't get why I'm still being punished for taking that leave of absence. It was the right decision. So it's damned unfair that I'm paying for something I shouldn't.

Punyeta.

----

Just shut up & do it, Kang.

Update.

2008-06-01T06:40:00.002+11:00

Last week, my college life was royally ass-raped.

That's all. :)

You know--

2008-05-21T04:20:00.003+11:00

You could at least pretend to be interested in what I'm doing. Like ask me how was work (it was great, save for that really rude phone call), if I ate properly (I didn't. All I had for lunch was a Jamaican pattie, turon for merienda & I didn't get to eat dinner til 10pm), what am I still doing up (hounding the STAGE48 forums) & a lot of other stupid questions.

...a rock is more interesting than I am.

Tagged by Licabarney Mayhew (whut)

2008-05-07T01:14:00.002+11:00

Each blogger starts with ten random facts/habits about themselves. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their ten things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose ten people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

-----

Anything cute, fat & adorable like kittens, puppies & babies-- I generally refer to them as "fluff-fluffs" & "fat-fats". Or even "Fluffita". :p
I like to draw little hearts on everything.
I have really awful eyesight. I started wearing glasses when I was eight. I only started wearing contacts later in college.
My favorite Japanese words are buriburi (girly), kirakira (sparkly) & yurara (fluttering). Says a lot about me when you think about it, haha.
Red Horse is my beer of choice.
I'm pretty flexible. Put me in the Boston Crab & I wouldn't feel a thing.
My favorite game girl is Ling Xiaoyu from Tekken.
I'm a vitamin & food supplement junkie. Apart from multivitamins, I take ginko biloba, vitamin e & when I'm riding the crimson wave, iron supplements.
According to my dad, I've always known how to whistle even when I was a wee little girl. And! I can do it "ng pahigop" as well. :D
My first celebrity crush was Jason Priestly from Beverly Hills 90210. That was when I thought you can get pregnant from making out.

Tagging: Mishi-mishi, Meghan, Nanay Lalie, Daddy Xley, Patty M. (Allison anak, that's you), Ate Aileen, Binky, Anita Twinnie, Yssa, Tita Reia & Patty V. (Belated happy birthday, ka-birthday *loves*)

The Story Of Our Lives

2008-04-26T04:00:00.002+11:00

First order of business.

Many, many thanks & much love to the awesome people who greeted me on my birthday-- my UNGAS girls, the Gutierrez family (I cannot get enough GMs from you all. I think it's about time we redefine GM from General Message to Gutierrez Messenger.), the Zy family & the grandchildren of Joel Toledo, otherwise known as the Marian Poetry Society. :p

To Sensei, John Torres, Angelo Suarez, Pancho Villanueva, Mikael Co & the other pillars of Philippine poetry-- I was and am honored to be in your presence during the first hours of my being twenty one. Special shout-out to fictionist/poet/nose-picker/farter/smut dealer Sasha Martinez. :)

To Zyn, Isa & Therese-- I soooooo love you guys. You probably know that already, but I thought I'd remind you anyway. :D

To the Project Eiva people, my Airdance lovelies & my dearest cousins-- thank you! And I miss you all so much!

To my Kuyabon-- 大好きだよ。

And! With that out of the way, have a poem. :)

------

The Story Of Our Lives

1
We are reading the story of our lives
which takes place in a room.
The room looks out on a street.
There is no one there,
no sound of anything.
The tress are heavy with leaves,
the parked cars never move.
We keep turning the pages, hoping for something,
something like mercy or change,
a black line that would bind us
or keep us apart.
The way it is, it would seem
the book of our lives is empty.
The furniture in the room is never shifted,
and the rugs become darker each time
our shadows pass over them.
It is almost as if the room were the world.
We sit beside each other on the couch,
reading about the couch.
We say it is ideal.
It is ideal.

2
We are reading the story of our lives,
as though we were in it,
as though we had written it.
This comes up again and again.
In one of the chapters
I lean back and push the book aside
because the book says
it is what I am doing.
I lean back and begin to write about the book.
I write that I wish to move beyond the book.
Beyond my life into another life.
I put the pen down.
The book says: "He put the pen down
and turned and watched her reading
the part about herself falling in love."
The book is more accurate than we can imagine.
I lean back and watch you read
about the man across the street.
They built a house there,
and one day a man walked out of it.
You fell in love with him
because you knew that he would never visit you,
would never know you were waiting.
Night after night you would say
that he was like me.
I lean back and watch you grow older without me.
Sunlight falls on your silver hair.
The rugs, the furniture,
seem almost imaginary now.
"She continued to read.
She seemed to consider his absence
of no special importance,
as someone on a perfect day will consider
the weather a failure
because it did not change his mind."
You narrow your eyes.
You have the impulse to close the book
which describes my resistance:
how when I lean back I imagine
my life without you, imagine moving
into another life, another book.
It describes your dependence on desire,
how the momentary disclosures
of purpose make you afraid.
The book describes much more than it should.
It wants to divide us.

3
This morning I woke and believed
there was no more to to our lives
than the story of our lives.
When you disagreed, I pointed
to the place in the book where you disagreed.
You fell back to sleep and I began to read
those mysterious parts you used to guess at
while they were being written
and lose interest in after they became
part of the story.
In one of them cold dresses of moonlight
are draped over the chairs in a man's room.
He dreams of a woman whose dresses are lost,
who sits in a garden and waits.
She believes that love is a sacrifice.
The part describes her death
and she is never named,
which is one of the things
you could not stand about her.
A little later we learn
that the dreaming man lives
in the new house across the street.
This morning after you fell back to sleep
I began to turn the pages early in the book:
it was like dreaming of childhood,
so much seemed to vanish,
so much seemed to come to life again.
I did not know what to do.
The book said: "In those moments it was his book.
A bleak crown rested uneasily on his head.
He was the brief ruler of inner and outer discord,
anxious in his own kingdom."

4
Before you woke
I read another part that described your absence
and told how you sleep to reverse
the progress of your life.
I was touched by my own loneliness as I read,
knowing that what I feel is often the crude
and unsuccessful form of a story
that may never be told.
"He wanted to see her naked and vulnerable,
to see her in the refuse, the discarded
plots of old dreams, the costumes and masks
of unattainable states.
It was as if he were drawn
irresistably to failure."
It was hard to keep reading.
I was tired and wanted to give up.
The book seemed aware of this.
It hinted at changing the subject.
I waited for you to wake not knowing
how long I waited,
and it seemed that I was no longer reading.
I heard the wind passing
like a stream of sighs
and I heard the shiver of leaves
in the trees outside the window.
It would be in the book.
Everything would be there.
I looked at your face
and I read the eyes, the nose, the mouth . . .

5
If only there were a perfect moment in the book;
if only we could live in that moment,
we could being the book again
as if we had not written it,
as if we were not in it.
But the dark approaches
to any page are too numerous
and the escapes are too narrow.
We read through the day.
Each page turning is like a candle
moving through the mind.
Each moment is like a hopeless cause.
If only we could stop reading.
"He never wanted to read another book
and she kept staring into the street.
The cars were still there,
the deep shade of trees covered them.
The shades were drawn in the new house.
Maybe the man who lived there,
the man she loved, was reading
the story of another life.
She imagine a bare parlor,
a cold fireplace, a man sitting
writing a letter to a woman
who has sacrificed her life for love."
If there were a perfect moment in the book,
it would be the last.
The book never discusses the causes of love.
It claims confusion is a necessary good.
It never explains. It only reveals.

6
The day goes on.
We study what we remember.
We look into the mirror across the room.
We cannot bear to be alone.
The book goes on.
"They became silent and did not know how to begin
the dialogue which was necessary.
It was words that created divisions in the first place,
that created loneliness.
They waited
they would turn the pages, hoping
something would happen.
They would patch up their lives in secret:
each defeat forgiven because it could not be tested,
each pain rewarded because it was unreal.
They did nothing."

7
The book will not survive.
We are the living proof of that.
It is dark outside, in the room it is darker.
I hear your breathing.
You are asking me if I am tired,
if I want to keep reading.
Yes, I am tired.
Yes, I want to keep reading.
I say yes to everything.
You cannot hear me.
"They sat beside each other on the couch.
They were the copies, the tired phantoms
of something they had been before.
The attitudes they took were jaded.
They stared into the book
and were horrified by their innocence,
their reluctance to give up.
They sat beside each other on the couch.
They were determined to accept the truth.
Whatever it was they would accept it.
The book would have to be written
and would have to be read.
They are the book and they are
nothing else.

-- Mark Strand

2008-04-09T04:36:00.003+11:00

THINK BACK TO 4th year high school. Let's see how much you remember and how much you regret..

-----

★ What section were you?
→ Section 4 all the way. Seriously. I spent four years with the same people in the same section.

☆ Who were your seatmates?
→ I had a couple, but Chekai was one of my favorite seatmates then. Still can't forget the time she totally lost her voice & had to write down everything she wanted to say. XD

★ Still remember your english teacher?
→ Mrs. Obillo. I thoroughly enjoyed "The Inferno". I still feel bad that she gave me a really low grade for my Greek Mythology monologue though. A lot of people commended me on that little performance & she gave me what? A 78? Come on. Some people who messed up badly got higher grades than I did. Hi, injustice? /bitter

☆ What was your first class?
→ Depends. I remember having first period Physics, Filipino & PE. Not sure which days. :p

★ Who were your best [classmates]?
→ Emi, Trei, Tala & Riwa. And Iza. I wasn't exactly a social butterfly at STC.

☆ Who was your crush back then?
→ I got over my lesbian phase by senior year, so I had real male crushes by then. And by real, I mean "in the flesh, not ink on paper" (Thanks for the reality check, Bia.) Anyway, I'm dodging the question in case you hadn't noticed. Bah. You know who it is. Is, was, still. Haha.

★ Made friends to the lower years?
→ A few.

☆ Had a boyfriend/girlfriend?
→ HAHAH NO.

★ How was your class schedule?
→ Whoever came up with double period Physics & double period Trigo should be skinned alive & rolled in a salt bath.

☆ Made any enemies?
→ Enemies? Not really. I didn't like a lot of people though. XD

★ Who was your favorite teacher?
→ Ms. Tsaby! I loved Religion class because of her. Freestyle's "So Slow" = Official Pre-marital Sex Anthem, haha!

☆ What sport did you play?
→ Varsity tiyakad reprazent!!1

★ Did you buy your lunch?
→ Yep, all the time. But senior year was the time I was on Ritalin, so I didn't have much of an appetite for most of the day. So lunch was mostly lots of tetra packed iced tea & fries and/or pizza.

☆ Were you a party animal?
→ Nope. Wasn't much of a mall rat either.

★ Were you well known in your school?
→ Just for being my mother's daughter. She was super active with the Family Council & the admin loved her. Sucks when I get the heat for it though, like once, my teacher told me "you should be thankful that I passed you, since your mother's a Family Council officer". Yeah, wtf.

☆ SKIP CLASSES?
→ Just stayed in the clinic for "nausea" & "bad migraines". :p

★ Did you get suspended/expelled?
→ Nope.

☆ Can you sing the alma mater?
→ "Come Theresians and acclaim / St. Theresa's glorious name. / Grateful hearts their tribute bear / Loving lips shall sing for her / For she stands among the rest / as a leaven for the quest" And yes, I typed that from memory. Shall I continue? XD

★ What was your favorite subject?
→ English & elective class. Mine was Creative Writing/Journalism. I knew absolutely diddy about poetry then. I was known for my short story that prompted the title "Diyosa ng Sawing Pag-ibig". I liked Religion class too, but never admitted it aloud. XD

☆ What was your school's full name?
→ St. Theresa's College Quezon City

★ Did you go to the dances?
→ Uh, what dances? Oh right. We had seniors night. With no boys. Oh joy. We had nice band fests every year though. :)

☆ Where did you go most often during breaks?
→ Basement canteen, usually. Although I remember this one time when we (Emi, Trei, Tala & Riwa) spent recess by the stairs at Gate 1 reading smut. XD

★ If you could go back in time and do it all over, or change something, would you?
→ Yeah. I should have had the courage to get bangs then. That way, my forehead wouldn't have taken up 80% of my graduation picture.

☆ What do you remember most about 4th year?
→ My fainting episodes. Noval the Oval calling me delingkwente every single day. Dance production! The band fest. The newbie physics teacher telling me that I couldn't graduate. Graduating & fighting the urge to go "YO FACE" at said physics teacher. :)

★ Worst memory in 4th year?
→ Girl politics. Faculty politics. STC politics. Haha.

Letters

2008-04-04T23:03:00.003+11:00

Dear Bridgette,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'll join the monastery. I think I realized it when I tripped on sesame seeds at the mental hospital and I saw you sit at my Kid-Rock collection.

I'm sure you're senile enough to understand your pimples are at the last stage.

I'm returning your old lottery coupons to you, but I'll keep the oil stocks as a memory. You should also know that I was interviewed by Abante Tonight about eggplant-fetishism.

Go burn,
Kang

----

Haha. Peace tayo Gette. :p

Anyway, go do it. You know you want to. *nudge*

Try it yourself. I know you want to.

-----

Dear (the person who last texted/smsed you),

I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ____2_ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___.

I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.

I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory.
You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.

___12___,
-Your Name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm inlove with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
Annat; With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit at
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs; Man
O.C.; Emotional
One Tree Hill; Open
Heroes; Frostbitten
Lost; High
House; Scarred
Simpsons; Cowardly
The news; Mongolic
Idol; Masochistic
Family Guy; Senile
Top Model; Middle-class
Annat; Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by Abante Tonight about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Your embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

Nyao. :c

2008-03-28T02:46:00.004+10:00

One of the family cats, whom we fondly call Kiskis because of her strange need to rub her body against everything in her path, died yesterday. Or at least, that's when we found her body in the garage. Judging by the state we found her in, she must've been fed poison.

I'll miss you, you little fatty.

Also, my original baby cat Kette (the rest of the family calls him Orange, but really, his proper name is Tettekette. Like Morse code.) has been missing for weeks now. He usually stays out for days at a time & comes back eventually, but it's been too long. :(

Baby, come back to mommy. ;o;

Too make things stranger, the remaining cats, Irei (family calls him Itim, guess why) & Cheetos are both sporting broken legs.

I'm starting to get freaked out by the string of misfortunes that my cats have been subjected to. Especially with the manner in which Kiskis died. I won't go into detail on how she looked, but it really doesn't look like the result of a bad catfight. I think some human with a sub-human brain is out there beating up cats for kicks. And if there is & I find him, I will personally cut off his balls with rusty kindergarten scissors.

And while I haven't, I'm keeping my babies in the house! Hmph!

Ownage

2008-03-25T05:09:00.003+10:00

Because--

Daniel Radcliffe owns me.
I've taken to re-reading the entire HP series over the Holy Week
My planner was feeling empty (I bet yours is too, so STFU)
And yeah. Daniel Effin' Radcliffe

Anyway. My point being this:

Better start saving up so I can watch this a billion times and support ~~our future babies~~ Dan's livelihood. ♡

The Insta-curls Experience

2008-03-23T02:34:00.001+10:00

Because I was bored out of my brains today--

JAJAAAAAN~♪

I just left my hair in buns on either side of my head overnight, shook them loose in the morning & there. Insta-curls. I love it. I still want Tojima Hana hair though. Maybe sometime in the future. :)

Speaking of bored, I ended up watching "A Walk to Remember" on DVD this afternoon. I cried, because I'm a sissy girl, even though I've seen it before.

I still want a star named after me!

. . .

Ooh, Mom's on another "Grey's Anatomy" marathon. *joins*

Thrice.

2008-03-19T19:45:00.002+10:00

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Kang
2. Okay, fine. Celine.
3. A hundred & one variations of Kang. Like Kangers & Kangbon & Kangbear & Kangee.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair
2. My collarbone
3. My wrists

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS
2. The fact that my giant thighs & non-existent ass make up what me & Creole refer to as "Thass"
3. The intergalactic airport AKA my forehead

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Chenes, este, Chinese
2. Spanish
3. Filipino

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. The thought of losing all my teeth
2. Losing my mom
3. Heights

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Cellphone. Cannot function without Momoko.
2. Long, hot shower. I don't care how late I am, this is crucial to my survival.
3. Hugs. Teehee. :)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW:
1. Shorts
2. Shirt
3. Contacts

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (RIGHT NOW):
1. AKB48
2. YUI
3. BoA

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (RIGHT NOW):
1. Kiiro Osora de Boom Boom - 10th Anniversary Dai Kanshasai version
2. Shining Itoshiki Anata - Country Musume ni Konno to Fujimoto
3. Bird - AKB48

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Randomness, silliness & lots of LOL.
2. Hugs. :)
3. A man to be in a relationship with would be a good idea too.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
1. I have split ends.
2. My first kiss was in a taxi.
3. I can't play no instrument yo.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Glasseses.
2. Nice lips.
3. . . . I like funny noses too.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Singing
2. Impersonating Barney. And Daffy Duck. And konyos being attacked by zombies.
3. Playing with my bangs.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Get a haircut. And have it colored too. My roots are showing.
2. Go to the nearest ukay-ukay & check if the sequined flats are still there.
3. Have Aibuu fixed. I miss her. :(

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:
1. Japanese sugar pop idol
2. Wife/lover/sex slave to Shirota Yuu
3. Princess of the cosmos

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Japan
2. Rome
3. Zimbabwe LOL

THREE NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Morgan
2. Soleil
3. Jason

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Molest Daniel Radcliffe.
2. See a Morning Musume/BoA/AKB48 concert live.
3. A proper, mind-blowing awesome cosplay.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I live for good hair days.
2. I hate manual labor.
3. Most of my money goes to the expansion of my wardrobe & the makeup bag.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I enjoy watching wrestling & was there when Raw & Smackdown did shows in Araneta.
2. I cuss like one.
3. I ogle photobooks of Japanese girls.

THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. I know you're bored too
2. So go do it
3. LOLZ

Mad Girl's Love Song

2008-03-19T03:21:00.001+10:00

Mad Girl's Love Song

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

-- Sylvia Plath

Nosebleed, promise.

2008-03-17T02:20:00.003+10:00

I know we're all bored. Let's all laugh while we still can. :p

-----

It was jazz an ordinary day.

The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw!

Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila rin ako.

Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: "Indaaaayyyy. ....."

Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now?

"Dodong!" sigaw ko.

Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko "Sorry, I didn't mean to be loud and proud." Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.

"Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open?" tanong nya.

"Bihira lang, Dodong. I'm just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh" sabi ko.

Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. He's every woman's dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.

"Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?" tanong ni Dodong. "I don't mine" sagot ko. Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. "What's your odor sir?" sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.

"Do you have porkshop?" tanong ni Dodong.

"Yes sir" sabi nito. "Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was completed. it also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully" dagdag siya.

"And you mam?" sabay tingin naman sa akin.

Hmmm... mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I'm cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko.

"I'll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh." sagot ko.

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it's a long, long way to run.

"Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I'm happily married" pagmamalaki ko.

"Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn't expect you still have more feelings than I expected. i don't want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect." dagdag ko pa.

Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.

"I don't care less!" sigaw ni Dodong.

Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think it's his other woman that caused our separation to part.

Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.

"Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?" sabi ko sa mamang guard.

"Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure." sagot niya.

"Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost in my eyes."

"Diretso lang." sabi niya. "Then turn right anytime with care."

"Thanks for your corporation" sabi ko.

Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag disappear nya.

"Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go,
there you are!" pananakot nya.

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar.

Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it's all over. I'm out of arm's way.

"Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?" bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya:

"I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but at first I didn't give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then i give it a thought. I know something is a missed."

From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn't even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga.

Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa't-isa at walang exhibitions. i feel I'm on cloud.

O di ba? :)

See you at Happy Mondays XXIV! :D

Dreaming

2008-03-11T00:15:00.002+10:00

Allow me a short visit back to Manila Below, haha.

bia_tots: let's just be flight attendants
kang.revolution: but doesnt that require us to be, you know
kang.revolution: nice
kang.revolution: ?
bia_tots: well, yes.
bia_tots: but we can just curse everyone behind their backs. bwahahaahahaha
kang.revolution: or hurl their luggage somewhere over the pacific ocean
kang.revolution: :D
bia_tots: except if they're louis vuitton
bia_tots: then we'll keep them. haha
kang.revolution: good point :D
bia_tots: and we can flirt with the hot rockstars. hahaha
kang.revolution: like, oops i slipped and accidentally landed on your leather-clad lap!
bia_tots: or, oops, i poured boiling hot coffee on your shirt. take it off and i'll wash it for you!
kang.revolution: after which i shall wipe the offending drink off your chest!
bia_tots: and we will have a grand time flriting with each other!
kang.revolution: oh goodie!

Girl, I miss plotting untimely deaths and just being delusional in general with you. <3

Regarding Manila Above (which sucks big time, says Isa)-- my analysis of "Neverwhere" is progressing fairly well. As of this entry, it now has a cover page & three shiny paragraphs.

Let the bricks fall.

Alive-ish

2008-03-10T02:23:00.002+10:00

Finished reading "Neverwhere" today. Now I want Croup & Vandemar plushies.

Now back to Manila Above, must get back to work. Finals. Goddamn finals.

Blogging--

2008-03-02T11:04:00.000+10:00

--when I should be working. Aa, but I have an excuse. I'm still waiting for Gette to get here so we can start on Chapter 3. Just killing time. And enjoying the cheap thrills of the intarwebs while I still can.

Faye, you should take this. ;D

85%

Because it's cold, and that keeps me from being interesting

2008-02-18T00:03:00.001+10:00

yes there is love beyond sex

so cunning
so cunnilingual
the lifestyle she had led
poking tongues between thighs
all the time in her hometown
or in the city where she studied
the anatomy of girls
at some all-girls school
where taxonomy was limited
to butch and femme
where even clips
not clits
were controlled by the nuns
all of whom were repressed
where everyone was in love
with everyone else
(or so she said)
—but only for a week
swapping spit and tongues
lovers and partners
in shockingly modern
melrose place-fashion
and she didn’t care at all about fashion
just books and music and neither did he
when they met in college
—instant connection—
only he was a boy
and the only boys she liked
were brad pitt and jude law
plus she liked reading cortes
(carlos not the conquistador)
else it was purely girls
the type who could stick
their fingers up her center of gravity
her favorite spot
it didn’t matter whether
she loved them or not
whether she really knew them or not
whether they stank or not
in her favorite spot
so long as she had their names at least
and they were beautiful
(hmm no they didn’t have to be beautiful
whatever)
anyway he and she finally got together
and he didn’t really know
what led her to fall for him
previous lifestyle and all
always curious about
and experimenting with her body
but experimenting only with girls
he cannot at all comprehend
henceforth his fear of her loving
his fingers and tongue
inside her
because it can remind her
of the feel of girls inside her again
now he’s scared
of her longing
for womanly arms and womanly scents
doesn’t want her to draw water
with the cup of her mouth
from womanly wells
he’s scared each time
and all the time
he creeps a finger in
once he realizes
she’s wet enough for it (if not yet
he goes down on her
to help her get wet enough for it)
what calms him down
is the intermittent
yes
escaping from her breath
yes as if a brief response
to an imagined proposal
yes
of living the rest of their lives
with each other yes
regardless of his boyness
yes

and finally she comes

home to him

yes

-- Angelo V. Suarez

Blogthing & Other things

2008-02-11T02:07:00.000+10:00

Pretty accurate. :p

-----

Before I retire tobed, there are a few things that just have to be said--

★ Congratulations to Telie, Faye, Ysa & everyone who won in the recent election. World domination na ito!

☆ Last night's "Flash Forward" was super awesome. Manning the sound booth came as a shocker for me (now I really appreciate the sound of silence) & I got my knuckle bloody & wounded for some unkown reason, but it was all good. CAASOC = best org evarr.

★ A big thank you to those who said prayers for my mom & wished her well. She's okay, and she might be coming home this week. And judging by how she fangirls over Piolo Pascual, she's definitely fine. Haha!

☆ My brothers are still up for sale. Highest bidder wins!

Get your own valentinr

Gimme, gimme!

2008-02-05T13:09:00.000+10:00

Get your own valentinr

Chasing

2008-01-30T01:46:00.000+10:00

When I was a kid, I avoided games that would involve me being "it" at some point. Because I don't like running after people who (during the game at least) are running away from me like their lives depended on it. Plus, I'm incredibly slow. Therefore, when I get caught (inevitably), I just chase after people aimlessly, whining "DO NOT WANT". Someone gets annoyed eventually & volunteers to be "it".

I'm twenty & I haven't played tag or any of the sort, unless you count playing shadow tag at Creole's. Point is, I don't like running after people.

Just because I've spent a good portion of my life at your heels doesn't mean I'll always be there, is all I'm saying.

Amuse me, afternoon frap

2008-01-28T01:56:00.000+10:00

My name's not hard to spell. And I don't have speech impediment either.

The barista's probably making fun of me. Or at least God is. :p

Teehee.

2008-01-27T02:36:00.000+10:00

Got a 5 in my PR prelim for knowing what global warming is. Go figure.

Had isaw at UP with the girls. Ordered my favorite strawberry shake with chocolate chips at the coop. As Telie put it, isaw + fruit shake = balanced meal. Makes sense, teehee.

Attended the STC homecoming afterwards with mom & Rika. Food trip! Remind me never to dance to The Pussycat Dolls when I'm saggy at 40, mkay?

Hmmn.

Over-analyzing makes me cranky.

In my pants--!

2008-01-23T00:23:00.001+10:00

o1. Open up your media player or winamp or ipod or whatever, set it to shuffle.
o2. Skip through the first 25 songs and list them.
o3. Add "in my pants" to the end of each song title.
o4. Bold your favorites.

------

1. `Shanimuni Paradise` (Reckless Paradise) in my pants ➝ Sounds... exotic.
2. `Summer Night Town` in my pants ➝ My pants can hold an entire town!
3. `Renai Shashin` (Love Photo) in my pants ➝ UPSKIRT PHOTO!!1
4. `Will You Ever Learn` in my pants ➝ Educate yourself somewhere else plz.
5. `All I Want For Christmas is You` in my pants ➝ I dedicate this to my beloved Shiroro. ♥
6. `BE ALL RIGHT!` in my pants ➝ Sounds like a really bad ad.
7. `Ekizo DISCO` (Exotic Disco) in my pants ➝ It's a paradise and a disco.
8. `Iroppoi Jirettai` (Sexy Impatience) in my pants ➝ . . . no.
9. `Glitter` in my pants ➝ Shiny panties, you mean?
1o. `Won't Go Home Without You` in my pants ➝ Hell yeah!
11. `Love Me Darling` in my pants ➝ Now this makes for bad R&B lyrics.
12. `Amazing Kiss` in my pants ➝ . . . NO.
13. `Say You'll Be There` in my pants ➝ More bad copywriting.
14. `happily ever after` in my pants ➝ So that's how fairy tales really end!
15. `Raspberry Pie` in my pants ➝ AHAHAHA FUCK.
16. `We Can Share` in my pants ➝ I don't like sharing. :p
17. `Face Down` in my pants ➝ That's...
18. `Hand in Hand` in my pants ➝ Wouldn't that be..? Never mind.
19. `Boyfriend` in my pants ➝ Nfu! 8D
2o. `Southpaw` in my pants ➝ Oh, the specificity of it all.
21. `That Boy Waits For Me` in my pants ➝ Eek!
21. `Love & Honesty` in my pants ➝ Awwwwww!
22. `Koori no Emperor` (Ice Emperor) in my pants ➝ I wouldn't mind Hyoutei in my pants. |D
23. `RISING` in my pants ➝ What about my imaginary penis?
24. `Mikan` "Tangerine" in my pants ➝ Think of all the citrus jokes!
25. `She Wants To Move` in my pants ➝ Hot lesbian action, whoo!

Fail! With a PH!

2008-01-17T22:42:00.000+10:00

I feel like so much fail.

So I study for TV Prod, right? And hi, I focus on the wrong manual. A lot of the stuff I studied didn't even show up on the damn test. Halfway through, I wanted to cry & throw the old man into the sun. With his manslave.

And my Comm. Research prelim sucked too.

Nuuuuuu.

Again. No time to whine, bitch & complain. Must. Get back. To work.

Reading your blog--

2008-01-17T02:06:00.000+10:00

-- makes me feel invisible.

And may nauna nang princess dun.

And I thought I was the only one who calls you that.

Waah! :(

...okay, Kang. Back to TV Prod.

I want to be the center of your universe

2008-01-16T00:26:00.000+10:00

Or something like that. :p

Zyn and I were talking about hyper-focusing after the others left. I was telling her that because of my ADD, I have difficulty keeping focused on well, everything for long periods of time. Except for this one aspect of my life, that is.

Zyn: Why can't you just be hyper-focused on schoolwork and be totally ADD with that?
Me: Yeah, but then I'd probably have seven babies by now. With seven different fathers.
Zyn: ... this way is fine.

Amazing. I've been hyper-focusing on that for what? Seven, eight years? That's a huge chunk of my life.

I wouldn't have it any other way though. :)

Embrace

2008-01-12T00:23:00.000+10:00

Embrace

You know the parlor trick.
wrap your arms around your own body
and from the back it looks like
someone is embracing you
her hands grasping your shirt
her fingernails teasing your neck
from the front it is another story
you never looked so alone
your crossed elbows and screwy grin
you could be waiting for a tailor
to fit you with a straight jacket
one that would hold you really tight.

--Billy Collins

-----

A little too early for Valentines angst? Nah! :)

Quotable Quotes from yesterday

2008-01-05T12:14:00.000+10:00

Pat, after Kang donates Share-a-load:

Pat: Thanks, Kang. I love you.
Kang: Reeeaaally? ♥!!
Pat: Natigil na ang pagmamahal ni Pat. Para muling makuha ang pagmamahal ni Pat, pasahan uli siya ng load--

Kang & Rika, window-shopping:
Rika: Beh, ang cute ng shoes o.
Kang: Ilang ribbons kaya yan?*

* poupeegirl.jp inside joke, never mind :p

Kang & Ayi, jeep
Kang: What if gumawa tayo ng movie, baliktad ng "Attack of the Katulongs"*?
Ayi: Pano? Yung mga konyo yung zombie, tapos mga driver ng jeep yung binibiktima?
Kang: Oo, para "Your jeep broke down, my jeep broke down--
Ayi: "-- but the world is still turning!"

* A fake title has been used to protect the extremely konyo.

'appy new year, whoo!

2008-01-04T00:55:00.000+10:00

Drama & crisis at goddamn two in the morning = NO THANK YOU.

-----

I don't know how I lasted today. I seriously felt like collapsing as soon as I got to school, but I managed to survive. TV Prod brainstorming was productive naman, haha! :D

And at last, my holiday wish has been (almost) fulfilled. Therese is selling me her Belle de Jour 2008 planner for Php400. Kang = VERY HAPPY. Plus, the Chuchay agreed to my paying in installments. ~~Like Php 20 per day til I get to Php 400 LOL~~

>.<

2008-01-01T22:14:00.000+10:00

Today I realized that I've put off my pending schoolwork long enough. Must work. Must work.

I didn't get much done today. Just sorted out my calendar (on my Php20 Hallmark calendar FTW) & did a bit of reading for our World Lit report.

The Drowned Children

You see, they have no judgment.
So it is natural that they should drown,
first the ice taking them in
and then, all winter, their wool scarves
floating behind them as they sink
until at last they are quiet.
And the pond lifts them in its manifold dark arms.

But death must come to them differently,
so close to the beginning.
As though they had always been
blind and weightless. Therefore
the rest is dreamed, the lamp,
the good white cloth that covered the table,
their bodies.

And yet they hear the names they used
like lures slipping over the pond:
What are you waiting for
come home, come home, lost
in the waters, blue and permanent.

-- Louise Glück

I haven't taken it apart, but for the most part, I enjoyed it. I love how she talks about drowning kids in icy ponds like it's nothing. :p

I can't seem to get my brain functioning. Head, meet desk.

-----

And now we're back to how it was. I'm here, in case you remember I exist. Or when it's convenient for you.

I don't get it. Maybe I'm totally uninteresting & just plain forgettable. I probably bore the shit out of people come to think of it.

No, Kang. POSITIVEFUCKINGGENKI.

Ooh, stop making it so hard for me.

-----

In other news, some idiot down the street follows an alien time zone where it's time to set off really loud firecrackers. In succession. I want to break someone's face now.

Oh Seven!

2007-12-31T01:51:00.000+10:00

My first blog entry for 2007, posted on January 1 '07 at 12:33AM read:

A few years ago, in my desperation for progress in my then non-existent love life, I wished on the New Year's fireworks. Last year, I wished for a kick-ass year. I didn't wish for anything under the hanabi splotched skies this year. Bring it on, 2007. ;D

What can I say? 2007 really brought it!

Hilights of my Oh Seven!

`Sagashi-ateru`

Started when Lalie asked me if I wanted to play a small role in a student-produced Japanese-inspired film her cousin was working on. Haha, she had me at 'Japanese-inspired'. Of course I said yes!

Cast-mates, how many Sundays did we spend in APC? But wow, I had so much fun. I met a lot of fun, crazy people there. It wasn't hard to make friends during the shoot, since we were all geeks anyway. :p

Very, very rewarding experience. I would've done it for free even, just for the experience. And getting to wear the school uniform of course! XD

☆☆☆☆☆

`The Marian Experience!`

This is all Cor's fault! If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have taken E-109 Poetry Writing. I wouldn't have had severe brain constipation thanks to Lisel Mueller & Jorie Graham & Mark Strand & Alan Ginsberg! I wouldn't have had to embarass myself by reading two of my own retarded poems in front of an audience! I wouldn't have had to hang out at Mag-colon-net & rub elbows with the pillars of Philippine poetry!

Corin Arenas, you are The Best. Person. Ever. ♡

Studying & appreciating poetry really had a major impact in my (sad) life. I was in the middle of a slump, questioning if writing was really my thing. Thanks to the course, I was able to gain more appreciation for literature. And gay poets. And evil senseis na itatago natin sa pangalan na Sir Joel Toledo. Sensei, Tatang Geese-- wasak ka talaga! For the win!

☆☆☆☆☆

`Kigahen Gakuen Cosplay`

My first cosplay! I had so much fun, from start to finish. As in from the Marikina field trips (I've never been to Marikina, so field trip talaga!) to the actual execution at the UP AME Gakuensai-- Super. Duper. Fun. :D

☆☆☆☆☆

`The Cebuu/Baguio Experience`

As usual: Bagiuo = ukay-ukay = very happy Kang. This year, my best purchase was my green & pink uber shiny jacket that I got for Php 200. Effin' awesome. :)

I got the chance to be in Cebu around November. Didn't get around much, but I ate lechon everyday. And the seafood buffet at The Port was so much love.

☆☆☆☆☆

`The Hospital Experience! Oh Noes!`

Just woke up one day, hurling my insides out & next thing I knew I was in St. Luke's & forced into a diet of water & apples. That picture was when my parents, XLaliey, visited me. Awww, feel the love. :p

☆☆☆☆☆

`Ang Pag-Ampon!`

Perhaps the smartest thing I've done this year was copy off Faye's class schedule. So now I'm stuck with these wonderful, super wasak people-- the Gutierrez family. I've been hanging out with them for barely a sem & everyday has been an adventure. Literally. Kasi I can never predict where I'm going to end up after class! Or who I'm going to end up with, for that matter. Because of these girls, I look forward to coming to school & I enjoy all my classes. Never mind the sleepless nights, the sabaw mornings, the nosebleed-inducing subjects-- at least you're in good company. Naks!

Thanks so much for adopting me. I will do my best to live up to the Gutierrez name (kahit na anak lang ako sa labas, oho!)

☆☆☆☆☆

Other unforgettable experiences that were just as awesome, pero walang picture / tinatamad na kong ilagay:

➝ Moving to the new house sa Metro Heights. Kasama na din ang park attacks namin ni Jake!

➝ Wednesdays & Fridays at Gateway with Khan. I love it. :)

➝ That Saturday english tutorial with Nikki, Therese & Andy. I only got to volunteer for one day, but it was so... gosh. 8D

➝ Abusing my hair. With all the coloring & the trimming & the maintenance, it's safe to say that most of my money went to the primping of my crowning glory. XD

➝ My 20th birthday! 'nuff said!

➝ From features writer to reviews editor. What a promotion! Let's go Chi-ro!

➝ "Pagkakaisa" with the bloc. Still can't get over the maid costume Ayi made me wear. Le shite!

➝ Discovering the wonder of ISO files. /geek

➝ Discovering AKB48! /super geek

➝ Uncle Wally & cousin Gabriel visiting from the states. I haven't seen Gabriel since he was a baby. He's a bigger dork than I am, so yeah. I love that kid. :D

➝ CAASOC TBS! For the win!

➝ Journ class: "Empowering the youth through NEWTH." Go Chuchay! XD

➝ Advertising class. No matter how sleepy I am, I can never seem to fall asleep in this class. I learned a lot. Sir Bantugan for the wiiiiin.

➝ Philo class. Enchantment, anyone? *nudge-wink-poke*

☆☆☆☆☆

Wow. Most of the things that made my year revolved around school. Is the world ending? Haha. No, really. I enjoy school. I really do. Well, not so much the work. There. That sounds more like me. :p

2007 was well, a whirlwind. I got to try so many new things, go to different places, meet new people. Well, that happens every year but this time I was more open to change, more willing to take risks. Yess!

For 2008? My friend Tori accidentally provided me my catchphrase/motto for the new year: "POSITIVEF*CKINGGENKI!" I believe it perfectly captures the kind of mindset I should have-- thinking positive & being 'genki' (energetic). The all-caps & the swear word is just for emphasis. XD

Ayun. Today is the last day of 2007. I shall spend it merrily (by watching the Kouhaku Utagassen on NHK). :D

はりきっていきましょ!!

The Holiday Post

2007-12-24T18:35:00.000+10:00

Because I'm a sucker for all things bright, shiny & colorful--

I hope you guys have a fun Christmas. Screw eating disorders, go for two rounds (or three) at the buffet table. We'll lose all the pounds next year, when we go back to ~~the torture chambers~~ school. :p

Oh, and yeah. Gift ko? :D

PS. Happy, happy birthday to my precious, uber kawaii twinnie, Anita! ♥

Oh, nothing.

2007-12-20T21:11:00.000+10:00

Jilted

My thoughts are crabbed and sallow,
My tears like vinegar,
Or the bitter blinking yellow
Of an acetic star.

Tonight the caustic wind, love,
Gossips late and soon,
And I wear the wry-faced pucker of
The sour lemon moon.

While like an early summer plum,
Puny, green, and tart,
Droops upon its wizened stem
My lean, unripened heart.

-- Sylvia Plath

My Christmas Wishlist

2007-12-19T03:25:00.000+10:00

My Christmas Wishlist

Belle du Jour Power Planner 2008 ; I cannot emphasize this enough: I ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE THIS. Not that I'm some ravishing social whirlwind, but really. I'm a mess, I'm a struggling college schoolgirl with ADD-- I need it. I really, really do.

Paid account for LJ; Uh, it expired on me yesterday. Goodbye, 105 icons; hello ads on my sidebar. It feels weird to be picking from just 15 icons. Whoo.

Cute shoelaces; for my new sneakers.

Tokidoki anything; never mind that the whole world has tokidoki merchandise. It's crazy & I love it.

As usual, moar hair thingies & phone charms; it doesn't take much to make me happy, really. LOL.

AKB48 icons; never mind that I currently have limited icon space. XD Never you mind. That was LJ talk.

an AKB48 shirt; no wait, I think I'll have one made for me. Like, exclusive piracy. 8D

PS. I am such a geek. *twirl*

Get over yourself

2007-12-09T04:23:00.000+10:00

Currently in the middle of something that I'll dismiss as pre-menstrual angst. What started out as a hi-how-are-you chat resulted in me re-evaluating the state of my, uh... see? I don't even know what to call it anymore.

And they're probably right. :(

Out of all those girls, where do I rank?

2007-12-04T13:35:00.000+10:00

[mood| calm]
[music| Blue Rose - AKB48 ]

Stolen from Viva's blog. Wala lang. Found it interesting. :)

------

Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one.

The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check your cellphone the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break-up, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked to him again, because you knew exactly where it was going. The ones who listened to him say, "I only want to be your friend," one day and the next, when he doesn't want to be anything at all. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people do change.

We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, got shit from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for awhile. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love again. WE wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, and sat around all over again, waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours or a few days.

Here's for the tears we cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, that he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated. Here's for the ones who did their make-up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say he couldn't see us that day or night. The ones that never believed it when people told us that there could be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bare to look back on their lives and wonder "what if." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't even bare to even tell their own mom for a fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could tell, just TELL, that they made a mistake by allowing him back into their hearts and dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy that would call when he said he would, and would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a shit about them. Here's for the time he took to waste, breaking your heart again.

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for the girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, to feel his arms around your waist.

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave. When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling you, turn off your phone. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer your door.

Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it felt to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.

Someday you'll find a guy that's worth all your tears, but won't ever make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like hell, but it will heal. And the point is, it will heal.

Sabi mo eh.

2007-11-15T17:58:00.000+10:00

[mood| frustrated]

I've been feeling a little down since last night. I wouldn't say it's stress; we haven't been given much work yet. I guess I feel that I'm tired of people who think that the prospect of me being a productive & responsible student is a joke. Okay, maybe I used to think that too, but I really do want to get rid of that slacker image I've always had. I'm trying to be responsible, but then you have people laughing at you from the sidelines & they're pretty hard to ignore.

Is it so hard to believe that I actually want to attend my classes? Or that I want to be more participative? I'm not aspiring for the Dean's List or anything; I just want to be, well, functional. What's wrong with that?

Ah, kasi hindi bagay sa kin? Ano yun, slacker na lang ako forever because being responsible is not part of my image? God.

Okay, nice. I really feel like I'm one big cosmic joke now.

Death wish? Haha.

2007-10-25T18:46:00.000+11:00

[mood| hungry]
[music| impure love - Katou Kazuki ]

"People will notice. Little things like that leave the biggest impact."

------

Here's my second semester schedule, in case someone out there plans on stalking me. 8D

TUESDAY
1:30 - 3:00 → CA-112 • Intro to Communication Research

WEDNESDAY
9:00 - 12:00 → CA-111 • Radio Production
1:30 - 3:00 → H-105 • Phil. Gov't w/ Constitution
3:00 - 4:30 → E-105 • World Lit. 1&2

THURSDAY
9:00 - 12:00 → CA-109 • TV Production
1:30 - 3:00 → CA-112 • Intro to Communication Research

FRIDAY
7:30 - 10:30 → CA-131 • Digital Imaging
1:30 - 3:00 → H-105 • Phil. Gov't w/ Constitution
3:00 - 4:30 → E-105 • World Lit. 1&2

SATURDAY
3:00 - 6:00 → CA-113 • Public Relations

Did I say I was happy to be on a full load? I take it back. I AM GOING TO DIE. :D

Populerrrrr.

2007-10-08T23:30:00.000+11:00

[mood| nostalgic]
[music| Nounai Paradise - AKB48 ]

Calling the attention of person with the initials Bianca Abigail Cruz, haha:

"It's just that I'm tired of being compared--"

Wala lang. I found the DVD of season 1 from A Pirate at Northridge Plaza (where I also spotted Ayi, what). :p

This purchase was a bit difficult to explain to my family, who had no idea this show even existed, let alone fathom its overall impact on my adolescence. This show aired, what, eight years ago? Yeah. Uhuh. XD

うそつき！！

2007-10-01T19:16:00.000+11:00

[mood| surprised]
[music| Munasawagi Scarlet - Berryz Koubou ]

I have very mixed reactions over this result. But the most dominant would be uh, WTF.

Just what is it with Oguri Shun? I am not even seriously crushing on the guy, though admittedly, he has very nice legs.

Okay Zyn, you can stop laughing now. :p

Break muna. n___n

2007-09-29T03:57:00.000+11:00

[mood| busy]
[music| LOVE LETTER - BoA]

Okay, so I'm supposed to be editing articles for our Journ newsletter (Therese cleverly tricked me into accepting the EIC position, haha) but I think I deserve a coffee + blog-hopping break. :p

So today, ay, yesterday na pala--

Mom & I were invited to guest on the talk show for Cor's (And Jesz's. And Katrin's. And Bevs' and Prey's. Whew!) video prod class. It was fun. Zyn stayed for a bit too, and we fangirled over Cor & Kash. Wild bears, rawr!

Random: Kang + Katrin = KANGTRIN. The new breed of super saiyan?!

-----

Congrats to the Bidyo Festival film entries! Never mind that Zyn & I were manning registration most of the time. (Don't ask how I got involved, because I don't know either.)

Me & Zyn during the credits for "Alas Onse": *clapping* Ria! Opa! Ria! Ria! Opa! Opa! Khavn! Ria Opa! Khavn Khavn!

Kudos to the "Stainless" group! My twinnie-twinzoo Anita directed it-- super proud of you, Bubbles! Ganda talaga! Aliw! (Uh, can you feel the bias?)

But more importantly--

"Gas Break" for the win!! As my parents (XLalieY) & tita Reia were part of it, so naturally I would be rooting for it. But really, it's shiny win wrapped in awesome dipped in marvelous.

*coughbutt-kissercough*

And yeah, Zyn (future thesis mate, yeah!) & I were plotting our future film prod baby. So far, our working title is "Nasa'n si Malou?" ("Where is Malou?") & it would star ME ME ME and uh, Oguri Shun-in-cycling-shorts, and probably my husband Shirota Yuu. We haven't come up with a ~~non-retarded~~ plot yet, but expect a lot of high jump & shower scenes. YEAH.

Best ensemble in a non-existent movie. Sure win!

Struggling Poet’s Inner Mind Theater, Act One

2007-09-27T01:49:00.000+11:00

[mood| accomplished]
[music| MARIA - AKB48]

Struggling Poet’s Inner Mind Theater, Act One
by Kang Martelino

Plaid skirt fluttering, my pink-haired muse
Delivered an impressive kick to my ribs
Before she kissed me good morning and
Asked, “What shall you write about today?”

It must have been the jolt from the blow that
Prompted me to announce, rather smugly,
That I would be creating a masterpiece
With Tetris as my main image. I would

Compare and contrast it with the struggles
Of youth. I turned to my muse, and asked
If my persona should be an angst-ridden artist
And before I knew it, I became the receiving end

Of an agonizing German suplex. I guess that was
A clear declaration of revulsion, so
In a stroke of brilliance, I decided to make my persona
A circus clown instead. He would still be angsty and

The world would still be against him and he would
Still be slashing his own wrists when no one was looking.
The muse then pointed out that sure, my plot was clever
But she could not see where Tetris was in my grand scheme.

I smiled mysteriously, the way a pompous prodigy would,
As I straightened the pristine white bedsheets where
I would be writing the poem that would have the pillars
Of poetry running for their money. Then I took my pen,

Dipped it in lightning and began, oblivious of the muse
Who was in pain from trying so hard not to laugh.

-----

My redemption from the disasterpiece that was "Sliding Doors". I wrote it when I uh, woke up a couple of hours before Poetry class, haha. I was desperate so I just decided to do what I do best-- make fun of myself. :p

Cor, Kash, Zyn, classmates-- thanks for the encouragement. At sa pag-capture ng Glory Moment ko. Napaluhod si god! Yes! XD

Feel the love

2007-09-24T04:11:00.000+11:00

[mood| annoyed]

My favorite hobby is doing things that I tend to regret the next day. Or in some cases, for the rest of my life.

Wasak. :)

Genki ja nai.

2007-09-19T02:46:00.001+11:00

[mood| frustrated]

Well, sorry for not being enchanted. Pfft.

I didn't expect that that F on my geisha paper for Philo class would bother me this much. Come on. It's a reflection paper. How. The hell. Do you fail. Reflection papers?! So much for "campus journalist". I guess you can imagine how totally stupid & unintelligent I'm feeling right now. Add untalented too.

CSB Adventure, haha.

2007-09-10T00:34:00.000+11:00

[mood| blah]
[music| BINGO! - AKB48 ]

That anti- child porn thing the other day was well, unforgettable. Then again, happy & unforgettable don't always mean the same thing.

For starters, I got groped somewhere along the way. Damn idiot got a well-deserved elbow to the face-- cheap satisfaction.

Then, I was stupid enough not to follow very simple directions & very lucky that Trei was there to get me out of my mess. ILU FRIEND. ♥

The actual seminar was pretty, I dunno, weird? I really wanted to get into it, because being a campus journalist *chokechokedie* means I should take it seriously. But then I keep remembering that half my playlist on the iPod consists of ℃-ute music & that I have photobooks of these kids in goddamn bathing suits. I think I'll go start building that condo in hell now, thanks.

But I guess my situation wasn't the most awkward. One of the emcee's who had serious P&F defect tried to get the crowd to do this energizer (at least, I think that's what it was supposed to be) by getting us to chant "No to child pornography!" & kept saying "No to child fornography!" instead.

Free chicken inasal for lunch is win. New "boylet" is not. Ysa, I'll be strangling you, girl. :p

Oh & yeah. To top it all off, I got harassed during the MRT ride home too. Two guys cornered me & started chatting me up. They claim that they've seen me before. Heck, they even know that I get off at North Avenue, which pretty much creeped me out. It went something like this:

Guy 1: You get off at North right?
Me: Maybe.
Guy 1: You know, I can't seem to remember your name.
Me: That's because I never gave it.
Guy 2: How mean! You don't remember us?
Guy 1: What's your name?
Me: *ignores*
Guy 1: Why? You have a boyfriend or something?
Me: Yeah. He does arnis. He's really good. He'll hurt you.
Guy 1: Arnis? My brother's a cop!
Me: He'll kill you & your brother. :)

Which was a total lie of course. Because for one thing, I don't have a boyfriend, much less a boyfriend who does arnis. But he didn't need to know that.

...I hate being a sekuhara magnet.

Daddy moments

2007-09-04T21:31:00.000+11:00

[mood| frustrated]
[music| Skirt, Hirari - AKB48]

Dad's throwing a tantrum because it's already 6:30 PM & the boys aren't home yet. Before he left, he was mumbling to himself, most likely lamenting on how god gave him heartless children.

I get where he's coming from. Really, I do. I'm a lot more empathic than I look. But I'm twenty years old. I graduate next year & probably start working after that. I probably still owe it to my parents to text where I'm going or who I'm with. But would Dad still expect me to come home by 9PM by then? I think that's a little over the top. :/

Candy for my ego ♡

2007-09-02T16:57:00.000+11:00

[mood| jealous]
[music| Dynamite Rave - NAOKI]

Crush this person!
Get your own ThisCrush.com CrushTag!

Music Meme ♪

2007-08-31T23:34:00.000+11:00

[mood| blah]
[music| Kiss & Cry - Utada Hikaru]

Tagged by Chepot, cross-posted to LiveJoural & Blogger.

Open your player, load your songs, set to shuffle, play then answer the questions. If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

♫ Opening Credits: Hold on me - tiger YAMATO
➝ My movie kicks off with a skanky Parapara song. Rock. On.

♫ First Day At School: 白い色は恋人の色 - W
➝ I guess this is some ploy to make you believe this movie is of the cheesy shoujo kind.

♫ Falling in love: What Can I Do - The Corrs
➝ Yeah, I was right.

♫ Fight Song: PEACH - Otsuka Ai
➝ I beat up gangs of a hundred burly schoolboys that don't look like schoolboys in my too short seifuku. I probably go "Kyaa!" while doing so & wink at the camera when I'm through.

♫ Breaking Up: 五月雨恋歌 - W
➝ This is just perfect. And have you haven't even read the translation yet.

♫ Prom: 七色の明日～Brand New Beat～ - BoA
➝ Sounds better as a pre-prom track. Like when I do my make up & dress up or something.

♫ Life: White Line - Aozu
➝ Another trick to make you believe that my life is purpose-driven & glorious.

♫ Mental Breakdown: 大阪　恋の歌 - Morning Musume
➝ I'd have preferred 'Shabondama', but hey, I guess this could work too.

♫ Driving: Tomorrow's way - YUI
➝ It's an angst-filled drive. With the whole wind-in-my-hair thing even. ~~I probably pick up Kanata Hongo along the way too.~~

♫ Flashback: ALL FOR YOU - Amuro Namie
➝ This would most likely be centered on a failed relationship. Or some other tragic love circumstance, take your pick.

♫ Wedding: 白いTOKYO - ZYX
➝ We'd have a December wedding in Tokyo! ♥!

♫ Birth of Child: オトナ、哀しい、オトナ - Sexy Otona Jan
➝ I'll have a baby girl & her life will also be like a cheesy shoujo manga.

♫ Final Battle: 溢れちゃう。。。BE IN LOVE (Premium Version) - Goto Maki
➝ Where my husband & I fight to the death. On a rooftoop. While raining! *spin*

♫ Death Scene: Inner Light - Hajime no Ippo OST
➝ . . . I fought bravely.

♫ Funeral Song: CHA-LA HEAD CHA-LA - Konata Izumi (Hirano Aya)
➝ Everyone must've hated me. XD

♫ Credits: 大きな愛でもてなして - ℃-ute
➝ The cast dances to the song while the credits roll. And that concludes my sugar pop angst movie! Yay!

-----

Screencap has been aptly named die charles.jpg.

Otaku Fiesta 2K7

2007-08-28T04:11:00.000+11:00

[mood| working]
[music| Shiroi Hana -White Garden- - 9nine]

(Click on image to visit official site.)

WHAT: Otaku Fiesta 2K7
WHEN: September 1, 2007 – 1 P.M
WHERE: BAGUMBUHAY Covered Court and Wildlife Center (Malvar St., Brgy. Bagumbuhay, Proj.4, QC)

OTAKU FIESTA 2K7 intends to unite Japanese and Filipino culture by combining Japan’s lively Matsuuri (Festival) with our very own colorful Fiesta into one big event. It will also serve as a venue for artists, anime fans and gamers to get together. The proposed affair will showcase a colorful parade of costumes from different games, anime and JPOP/JROCK fashion during our FASHION SHOW, a mini concert of musical masterpieces from our local Jrock bands, a mini bazaar participated by different collectible and anime shops, art exhibits from some of our talented PAINTERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, MAKE-UP ARTISTS and DOLL COLLECTORS, booths and games from both Filipino and Japanese Festivals. Moreover, this event aims to raise funds to help our beneficiaries in their upcoming ventures.

Are you Emo?

2007-08-16T15:34:00.000+11:00

[mood| sore]
[music| Diamond Heart - BoA]

You Are 28% Emo

You're definitely not emo, but you do understand emo people a little. You are introspective, but not to the point of driving yourself crazy.

Are You Emo?

-----

That's a pretty accurate diagnosis. XD

Go do it.

2007-08-08T21:32:00.000+11:00

[mood| lethargic]
[music| Odore! Morning Curry - Morning Musume]

Create your own Friend Test here

-----

It's raining & I'm thinking Jorie Graham. Carnage. :9

Watarase Bridge ♡

2007-08-01T02:11:00.000+11:00

[mood| loved]
[music| Watarasebashi - Goto Maki]

The English translation to my current LSS. No, not 'CHA-LA HEAD CHA-LA'. Here, I'm embedding the song for full senti effect:

Watarasebashi
(Watarase Bridge)

Seeing you watch the sunset on Watarase Bridge
I fell in love with you
Haven't I grown up in a pretty place?
You said you wanted to live here

You came all the way to this town
Riding the train, just to see me
Even now, I live
Without forgetting those days

Even now, when I go to the Yagumo Shrine
I pray about you
If one wish would just come true
I want to go back to those days

All alone by the barber shop
Do you remember that public payphone?
I wanted to call you, forgetting about yesterday
I picked up the receiver so many times

Recently, I went down to Watarase River's river bed
I watched the river flow for a long time
The north wind was freezing
I ended up with a cold

It's not anyone's fault
I knew that you couldn't live in this town
I worried over it for so long
But I can't live anywhere else

The street that you said you liked
It darkens in the sunset today too
The wide sky and the faraway mountains
This is the town where we walked together
The town with a pretty sunset

'She did not look for you today'

2007-07-30T19:57:00.000+11:00

[mood| working]
[music| Watarasebashi - Matsuura Aya]

My (very late) response to Cor's challenge. Half-baked-- I missed a couple of metaphors. Anywhore, here it is:

Sliding Doors

Boy,
she did not look for you today.
The earnest girl in love
did not come here.
She was here yesterday
and lifetimes before that--
sitting, standing, sitting.
Eager eyes coming to life
at the hopeful sound of sliding doors,
only to die when she realizes their deception.
Her spirit in the rhythm of night and day,
but there is no dance,
only listless swaying.

Boy,
she did not look for you today.
The repetition of days,
standing and sitting,
definition and lies,
the sliding doors that promised
and sneered in the end?

No, not today.

Magkano ka?

2007-07-24T19:32:00.000+11:00

[mood| amused]
[music| Jishaku - Nakanomori BAND]

$5075.00

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

That's all I'm worth, people! That's all I'm worth!

Ooh, poetry.

2007-07-17T23:55:00.000+11:00

[mood| content]
[music| Dramatic - YUKI]

I can vaguely recall the last time I wrote poetry because I felt like it. No, scratch that. I do remember. It was in senior year, for my Creative Writing/Journalism elective class. It was a set of acrostic poems. It was something like:

For dreams to happen,
Leaps of faith should be made.
Yearning alone will not suffice.

And for that to happen, my teacher practically had to twist my arm. Ironic, since she was the one who just about told me I couldn't write.

High school bitterness aside!

I was hanging out with Cor & some of the other girls in my Poetry class at the Cafe Entrep this afternoon. Over cheesecake (which Jesz suckered me into buying) & a capuccino shake, we engaged in this little poetry workshop... thing.

Oh! And before I go on (I suck at coherency)-- quotable quote ahoy!

Jesz: You already have a muse, you just need to stop questioning it so much.
Me: I'm not questioning my muse, I'm questioning my craft.
Jesz: Your crap?
Me: Exactly.

Anyway, through that little exercise, I managed to produce this:

Last Train

Battery dead,
the warning is silenced
with a sleek flick of the wrist.
Hot venom taking its course--
slowly, steadily, surely--
to fuel happy thoughts
of dismantled anatomy.
(falling off a cliff, perhaps?)

Love is a bubble.
Next time,
I'll write my name on it.

(Reading it again, I can see how much Japanese pop music has influenced me. Listen to Morning Musume & you'll understand, hahah.)

Same ground

2007-07-11T20:12:00.000+11:00

[mood| crushed]
[music| LU LU LU - GAM]

How many times have you left me like this? Staring after you, crying, wishing I could hate you but just can't, because somehow it all comes back to me.

My fault. My insecurity. My jealousy. My selfishness.

Should I be blamed for wanting more out of this?

I feel incredibly stupid. I probably look like a total loser too. But that's probably my station in life-- to be a total loser.

You need me? You don't even want to keep me!

God.

It's all about good communication. :)

What you feel, what you see ♪

2007-07-10T22:48:00.000+11:00

[mood| jealous]
[music| Sweet Impact - BoA]

It sounded like it actually happened, and for a while I believed that it did. At first, I felt my own features soften, my heart ready to soar. As the piece progressed, I slowly begin to realize, "Hey, this isn't about me." I checked the date. Were we..? No. That was when my stomach started turning and I got the urge to bite my lower lip til it bled.

If it wasn't for the footnote that said it was goddamn fiction, I'd have gone hysterical. Eww, no, not really. I'd just hate you. Or something.

This no-cellphone thing is really getting to me. I get paranoid by random fictional blog entries & get homicidal urges from walking behind slow people. That & having underclassmen cut the line in front of you,"borrow" your pen while you were using it, and take forever to edit her incredibly retarded business letter. Darling, you don't "deeply wish" for someone's "kind response". I swear, I wanted to break her face with my bare hands. Ugh.

-----

Tomorrow. :)

Betsuni, betsuni, betsuni--

2007-04-10T21:47:00.000+11:00

[mood| sore]
[music| Kanashimi Twilight - Morning Musume]

"Love--the thought rode on his mind. Was it really love? When they met in Washington, wasn't it loneliness for him and rebellion for her that brought them together?"

- F.Sionil Jose's "The Pretenders"

`Phone hasn't rung, mail hasn't arrived`

2007-04-02T02:26:00.000+11:00

[mood| tired]
[music| Koe - Morning Musume]

I expected too much from today. Guess that explains why I ended up so disappointed.

I was prepared & I practiced. I wanted to win that badly.

I am such a sore loser.

Early summer rain

2007-03-24T01:45:00.000+10:00

[mood| melancholy]
[music| Samidare Koi Uta - W]

The hype from today is dying down. I've been thinking (weh). Now time for word vomit.

Still waiting for the thought jumble to organize. Processing.

Where do I start?

Why am I so hell-bent on seeing you get better? Maybe it's because I'm reminded so much of the shit I felt after you & all these years, I haven't really gotten over it. In a way, I want to fix Kang by fixing you? Sort of. Yeah.

I don't make much sense. But I really do love you.

Choke on the luuuurve

2007-02-12T02:30:00.000+10:00

[mood| pensive]
[music| Goodbye Natsuo - Matsuura Aya]

Two days 'til Valentine's Day. Am I excited or what?

What!

I have BITTER stamped on my gargantuan forehead.

Logic tells me to get over myself, that I don't necessarily need someone to make the 14th special for me. My heart seems to be telling my logic to go & stab itself.

I hate pre-menstrual angst.

Love me, I'm a superstar

2007-02-02T02:11:00.000+10:00

[mood| silly]
[music| Twinkle - Kimura Kaela for BLACKSTONES]

Get your own valentinr

I Couldn't Sleep~

2007-01-30T04:55:00.000+10:00

[mood| surprised]
[music| Shabondama - Morning Musume.]

Go to your music player of choice and put it all on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and after each one press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

What do you think of me, iTunes?
➝ ＳＥＸＹＢＯＹ～そよ風に寄り添って～ (SEXY BOY ~Soyokaze ni Yorisotte~) - Morning Musume.
-- I am not sexy & most certainly not a boy! D:

Will I have a happy life?
➝ a little pain - OLIVIA inspi' REIRA (TRAPNEST)
-- Ohkaaaay.

What do my friends really think of me?
➝ Suteki da ne? - RIKKI
-- Butt-kisser.

Do people secretly lust after me?
➝ Easy to be hard - BoA
-- ...I won't even go there.

How can I make myself happy?
➝ Japanese Girl - hitomi
-- I take it as a go signal to pursue my budding looove for the H!P kids?

What should I do with my life?
➝ Give Me Novacaine - Green Day
-- How about, NO?

Why must life be so full of pain?
➝ ボーイフレンド (Boyfriend) - Fujimoto Miki
-- My point exactly. ;D

How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
➝ Strawberry Jam - Otsuka Ai
-- !!!

Will I ever have children?
➝ Cancer - My Chemical Romance
-- Let me get this straight. I won't have children, but I'll have cancer instead? *kickj00*

Will I die happy?
➝ The Happy Happy Joy Joy Song - Ren & Stimpy
-- I'll take that as a 'yes'. =D

Can you give me some advice?
➝ Do Your Best! (reprise) - The Imperial Match Hyoutei Gakuen OST
-- Yesms!

What do you think happiness is?
➝ SLAP THAT NAUGHTY BODY - Tsuchiya Anna
-- P-p-perv!! D;

What's my favourite fetish?
➝ We Can Share - Saiga Mitsuki
-- Not. Happening.

Yoohoo.

2007-01-27T05:19:00.000+10:00

[mood| sleepy]
[music| Halleluiah - RURUTIA]

Your Love Type: ENTJ

The Executive

In love, you seek relationships that you can grow and learn from.
For you, sex should always be exciting and experimental.

Overall, you are bright, energetic, and helpful.
However, you tend to be challenging and confrontational.

Best matches: INTP and ISTP

What's Your Love Type?

NYAO

2007-01-27T03:17:00.000+10:00

[mood| anxious]
[music| Only Hope - Switchfoot]

King's cat, Johnson, gave birth to four adorable & incredibly whiny kittens this morning-- three are white all over like her & the odd one out is black & white. We're finding the latter rather odd (and mildly scandalizing!), since it was my orange & white Kette who was Johnson's only known coital colleague.

If I was more famous than Britney Spears, the tabloids would be all over themselves on this story. But I'm not, so I'd better be grateful if someone so much as wibbles over this. XD

-----

So yeah, I ended up letting my mom drag me to the homecoming cheverbels at ~~the old killing lands~~ STC tomorrow. I'm planning to make an escape, crash Rika's place & watch Cinepuri. Because I'm not exactly a social butterfly, okay?

-----

For the speech to entertain I'm doing for my CA-105 class tomorrow, I'm going to blab about how I used to be such a Sweet Valley whore & how that has contributed to my growth as an adolescent. *snort*

Seriously... what was I thinking when I signed up for that?! o____o

-----

In other breaking news: Miriam University, LYKWHUT 8D

Twin & Not-twin

2006-12-19T00:04:00.001+10:00

[mood| amused]
[music| Dreams Come True - BoA]

What are twins? This is a set of twins.

Kang & Anita. Teachers have asked if we were sisters, CAASOC officers asked if we were twins & people have mistaken one for the other. Seriously. I can't remember how many times people have called me Anita by accident. Or how often people bug Anita thinking she was me. Having the same height (or lack thereof) doesn't help much either.

On the flipside, this is not Kang's twin.

KOTOKO, in her "Circuit" PV. We both have the same clueless expressions & we wear our bangs the same way. But other than that, KOTOKO is... KOTOKO. And pretty. But Kimi insists & won't drop it. XDDD

Jpop Dorkism for the Win!

2006-12-09T04:49:00.000+10:00

[mood| touched]
[music| Life - YUI]

I dedicate this song to no one! Yess!

-----

"Good-bye Days" | YUI for Amane Kaoru
(English translation by VllaskoCom)

I want you to listen to this song from my pocket
that's why I decided to go and see you

I tried to softly turn up the volume to make sure that it was just right

Oh goodbye days, for until yesterday it had been unchanging for so long
But now, I have a feeling that things will change; for your kindness is nearby
I'm with you

Passing the other half of the earphones to you
Together, it slowly pours forth; this moment.

Do I show you enough love? Because I sometimes get confused

Oh goodbye days, now, it's begun to change deep in my heart ~ ALL RIGHT
Because your gentleness is nearby
I'm with you

If it could be done, I don't want to have to feel sadness
Yet, it always seems to come somehow, doesn't it?
When that time comes, with a smile if I could say something like
"Yeah hello! my friend", it would be ok...

When I hum that same song, I wish you were nearby
I'm glad that I met you and felt your kindness

…Good-bye days

Bad girl daw.

2006-12-03T16:29:00.000+10:00

[mood| cranky]
[music| You Make Me Want to be a Man - Utada ]

Because I'm doing something bad, knowing all the while that it's bad, but not feeling bad about it, scores me my very own circle in bad girl hell.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned": do I really think that justifies what I'm doing? Or have I been reading too much Sidney Sheldon that I'm starting to think I'm one of his fabulous-woman-wronged heroines?

-----

In other news, the other PC's busted & my dad thinks I did something Evil with it. I only use Photoshop on that PC; I don't know what's going on with it. I really didn't do anything out of the ordinary, so I don't get why he's trying to make it sound like my photobook scans killed the computer. >__x

2006-11-23T01:48:00.000+10:00

[mood| crazy]
[music| SOME BOYS! TOUCH - Goto Maki]

Kangwhore has such a nice ring to it. Should I be scared?

-----

When I showed up for Mr. Evangelista's class yesterday, he asked me if I had a sister named Kang. "Sir, ako si Kang!", I went. He laughed & said he didn't recognize me without my pigtails.

Okay, so I wasn't the classiest freshman there ever was. Whoop!

-----

XMAS 2006 WISHLIST (subject to change)

a data cable for my phone
or better yet, a new phone
a flash drive
faux colored hair extensions
stick-on nails, because I've given up on my own ;p
a data disc of all the H!P photobooks I've missed out on
a Jpop-y watch
more burloloy, more hairpins, more scrunchies ♥
Shirota Yuu in a box, preferrably topless

See? I'm an easy customer. ;D

Uh, Yay!

2006-11-17T22:44:00.000+10:00

[mood| excited]
[music| Rock With You - BoA]

After two weeks of extended vacation, I'll be enrolling for the 2nd sem on Monday & ~~getting my ass kicked~~ on Tuesday. :D

A lot of people thought I was a lucky bastard to be bumming around the house while they were at school. Au contraire. I am stuck in a house with no one to talk to except for my dog & my mom. With a dial-up connection & a moody PS2. And an almost depleted pantry.

The PS2 saved me from a total breakdown, I swear. If it wasn't for Sengoku BASARA 2 & Devil May Cry 3, I'd be huddled in a dark corner rocking back & forth mumbling to passing ants on the wall.

No really, I'm looking forward to school! 8D

All Hail King Hooker!

2006-10-23T03:30:00.000+11:00

[mood| high]
[music| Ai no Tame ni - Ueto Aya]

Because I promised Kimi--

I almost groped Matt Hardy!

So we were at the last run of the WWE Suvivor Series tour at the Araneta. As Kimi aptly put it, we were seated "where the wrestlers threw their shirts". If you want to get technical about it, it's Patron A, after ringside. We got to shake hands & high five a lot of wrestlers. (Jimmy Wang Yang!) Aaaaand I got to hug Vito. SRSLY! :D

Sticking to my promise to time the Undertaker's entrance when I do get to see him live-- his entrance took a whopping 3min & 11sec. A lot longer than his Wrestlemania 21 entrance, which took 2min & 22sec. He also did a chokeslam on Finlay's Little Bastard. Kneeling, mind you. Way bitchin'.

Funny audience, too. They were chanting "POGI!" at Brian Kendrick for some reason. LOLISM. XD

Well obviously, I had so much fun. :D I felt bad that my brothers weren't able to watch it, though. I thought I was on their black list, but when I showed King the pictures I took of Michelle McCool, it didn't seem that way. So we're pretty much good. :)

GAAAH. Whut.

2006-10-06T14:47:00.000+11:00

[mood| rushed]
[music| Onegai wa Miwaku no TARGET - Melon Kinenbi]

Last day of AD-101 class. I'm supposed to be working on my butt-ugly 2-page newsletter but I'm taking advantage of the DSL so I can hoard all the A-sides I've missed. I've downloaded GAM's "Melodies" & Melon Kinenbi's "Onegai Miwaku no TARGET". At 36% right now is a rip of Morning Musume's "Aruiteru".

Dear download, could you finish before the period ends? Thanks.

Wow. I just have to email the two newsletters to Sir Ducepec & I'm done with my finals. WORK, KANG, WORK!!

Oh, we wanna be all right

2006-10-04T14:19:00.000+11:00

[mood| stressed]
[music| Girls On Top - BoA]

I had this really ridiculous mental image on my way to school this morning. See, I was riding a cab & as we made our way along Quezon City Circle, I could picture my death scene in my head. (Eerily, I'm already finding this normal, as I am deathly afraid of passing by chaotic QC Circle)

In the particular scenario I had in my head however, Mental Image!Kang didn't die. Instead, she crawled out of the wreck alive screaming, "I CAN'T DIE!! I'M NOT DONE WITH MY BUSINESS ENGLISH FINAL YET!!"

It's either stress or Budokai3. Or both. LOLISMS.

EDIT @ 8:24PM
On an extremely random note, Vegeta + Bulma = Trunks would probably be one of the many things I do not & probably will never understand.

SANAMADAPAKA!

2006-09-13T02:41:00.000+11:00

[mood| drained]
[music| Taste My Skin - Tsuchiya Anna]

Thanks Lalie, for teaching me that. I ♥ it.

Great morning. I was let out early after PE, Ms. Rapadas loved our report & a free cut for Business English. Hung out with Lalie, Jenny & the other DJs at the radio booth and even managed to sneak a quick nap on the ~~plush couch~~ ratty bean bags in the corner. Yes, it definitely falls under the happy-happy-joy-joy! tag. :)

But then there was FIL-102, swapang brothers & an expired internet card. Plus Mom voiced out her suspicions as to what really happened to Pucchi. Makes sense, but it wasn't pretty & I hope it's not true. :/

Tomorrow, I get my clearance slip & start working on it. いきましょいイ！！ d^o^b

Reshponshible!

2006-09-11T03:38:00.000+11:00

[mood| awake]
[music| LOVE ~since1999~ - Tsunku & Takahashi Ai]

To-do List for 11 Sept

o1. Review T-101 report. Do not ~~think you are smarter than your groupmates~~ be over-confident. "Yudan sezu ni ikou." - Tezuka Kunimitsu/Buchou/GOD

o2. Attach PETA ticket to Fil-102 paper. Do not forget to tear the stub so she'll think you went to see the show when you were actually at home, watching Pinoy Dream Academy.

o3. Make draft-thingie for the cover of ADHD-SP souveneir magazine. And while you're at it, start your article.

o4. Note items for clearance, eg; library, clinic, CAASOC (eep!)

-----

Clearance week = hell. Finals, I can stand, really.

I seriously cannot wait for this semester to end. I just hope I get through this probation & finally take on a full load next sem. Whew.

I cry, cry, cryyyyyyy~

2006-08-30T14:20:00.000+11:00

[mood| irritated]
[music| a little pain - OLIVIA inspi' REIRA (Trapnest)]

I managed to sleep with my contacts on again & now my left eye is bloodshot & creepy. I've been stopped by how many people in the corridors asking if I was okay and/or who was the asshole who did me wrong.

Now I'm in AD-101, working on my new mood theme in shades, which earned me a couple of sniggers & a few raised eyebrows here & there. Shoo!

How about a few more bottles of Visine Refresh, huh?

-----

I dreamt that I was outside Khan's house & that he was selling me original Havaianas for Php 50. XD

Take me to the place I love, take me all the way

2006-08-29T22:58:00.000+11:00

[she is| tired]
[she sings| Under The Bridge - All Saints]

I've had better mornings, really.

And I've had better PE classes. Table tennis, I'm already learning to manage without looking like a total drip. It's just so difficult to work with game officials & scorers who're married to their mobile phones. Fuck you, what do you mean I have to keep track of my own score?!

If I wasn't on probation, I'd have brained them with a racket. Or throw them on one of the tables, pull off a Jeff Hardy & hit a moonsault. Okay, I can't even do a back flip on land, so maybe a sloppy banzai, bitch!! would do. I'm having fun, can you tell?

Speaking of anger management issues...

Earlier this evening--

What I Really Wanted to Say: Leche ka ang kapal din naman ng mukha mong tawagan ako matapos ng pinagsasabi mo sa kin... anong sorry?? Sorry mo pwet mo!

What I Ended Up Saying: Uy, sorry na. Ano ba kailangan ko gawin para hindi ka na tampo sa kin? Huuuy...

All I can say is that if you're going to repay all your utang through chocolate, you're gonna need more than the whole aisle. ;p

Make Your Editor Proud!!

2006-08-28T20:49:00.000+11:00

[she is| satisfied]
[she sings| Love is Changing - Flame of Recca OST]

6AM, I woke up to Koko gnawing at my hair. I grumbled & said my usual morning curses before throwing the dog out of the room as humane as I could be at that hour. I'm usually chipper & very much agreeable in the morning, but you DO NOT wake me up by trying to tear the hair of my scalp, even if you are my most precious doggie-woggie.

I didn't get to sleep much after that, since I had to get up for my 8:30 CHI-RO meeting at school. Oh well.

I was in front of the (still locked) CHI-RO office at 8:30AM sharp. Tin joined me shortly after I arrived. I was in the middle of entertaining her with my how-I-managed-to-fail-my-first-Theology-class story when Viel arrived. We hung out at an empty classroom til Ate Jade arrived at 9:15.

Meeting proper. EIC just went over some of the guidelines when conducting a proper interview & Other Important Matters.

And yeah, I should really learn to reply to SMS. I'm not exactly the world's biggest SMS-whore & that ticks people off, apparently. Ufufufu. ;p

------

Fuck, nasutsutan na naman ako ng truck driver. Tscha. Lahoozers.

------

I feel really fat & really, really fugly. Grrrrrr.

ZOMFGHARHARHAR.

2006-08-27T13:16:00.000+11:00

[she is| moody]
[she sings| Sakuranbo - Otsuka Ai ]

Ok, maybe I didn't mean what I told Arred at the MRT station last night when he asked me if I regretted coming to Shangri-la. Despite the comments about my attire, my hairstyle & my forehead which ultimately pissed me of like fuck , I had fun & it was really nice being with the guys again.

And the confusion that was brewing in my head & in my heart (wachuchu) died down after thirty minutes of overdue tear-filled J-karaoke in my room.

I don't have a crush on you, I have a crush on the attention you give me. Hahah. Ang labo.

Either way, I have to keep my emotions in check from now on.

-----

"For some reason, it seems like a waste to remember you
Because I want you to be only mine

I love you, I love you
I'll always love you"

-- "Daisuki da yo." by Otsuka Ai, translation from Mognet.net

Hmmn. ngars

2006-08-25T14:18:00.000+11:00

[she is| thoughtful]
[she sings| Suppin to Namida. - Goto Maki]

I didn't know we had a free cut for Humanities today. Durr. So I killed time at the library & re-read one of my favorite Sidney Sheldon Titles, "Morning, Noon & Night" while popping fruity Fox's every now & then.

Which reminds me. I have two overdue library books. It seems that a schoolyear can't go by without me forgetting to return a library book or two. Come to think of it, it's been like that since I'd gotten my first library card (which was in the 3rd grade).

I need to read more & I need to have more to read. Last night when I couldn't get to sleep, I actually settled with one of my old copies of the Sweet Valley Twins series. o__o

I'm in AD-101 at the moment, with half the class missing because of the Linggo ng Wika program. Sir Ducepec helped me fix that ugly pixelized portion of my mandala & taught me how to use the pen tool. It looked so hard & tedious while I was watching him work on the mandala, so I offered to change that layer. Then he asked me, "Do you always settle for second best, Ms. Martelino? Sayang talent mo nyan."

More to chew on. Yipee.

Nuu~!

2006-08-24T18:01:00.000+11:00

[she is| giddy]
[she sings| Yudan Sezu ni Ikou (Kunimitsu Solo Ed.) - Shirota Yuu]

Watched bits of The Imperial Match Hyoutei in Winter a while ago. As if I couldn't ~~lust over~~ love Shirota Yuu enough as it is. ♥

Made me miss dancing A LOT. I think I picked up a couple of steps there. Maybe I could use them for future freestyle drills? Hahah.

I'm out in Katipunan & I have Fil 102, like, NOW. Yezms, go me.

Blogstuff.

2006-08-24T04:21:00.000+11:00

Forgive me, I haven't done these in ages

-----

You Are 44% Pure

You're usually the typical girl or guy next door...
But you also have a secret naughty side!

How Pure Are You?

-----

You Are 44% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

------

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is medium.
You probably have had a couple significant loves.
And you may have even had your heart broken.
But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people.

Dominance:

Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.
In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."
You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.
But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

Bwahaha.

2006-08-23T14:57:00.000+11:00

I don't know where all this hatred came from. It's just there. O:

2006-06-30T16:06:00.000+11:00

Isn't it kind of strange, that I keep my shiny-happy-gay LJ Friends Only & this emo-wangsty blog public? Plus, very few people are aware of the this blog's existence & even fewer actually bother to check it out. My logic has escaped me once again.

-----

I've really got to start saying what I mean & meaning what I say. My veiled & so-very-vague language has gotten me in enough pinches. Hahah.

-----

KANG'S GAMEPLAN FOR SY 2006-2007

1) Define goal. = Pass sophomore year by getting a 2.3 average or higher.

2) Identify obstructions/distractions = a) Excessive blogging & downloading, b) escapades to Espanya/Ortigas, c) the object of my keyeching & keyeling

3) Eliminate/avoid items identified in #2 = a) No internet access at home. b) No money, no escapades. c) TANGINA GOOD LUCK NAMAN DI BA.

2006-05-22T02:15:00.000+11:00

You're never there when I need you the most. Are you doing it on purpose? ;-;

2006-04-17T18:34:00.000+11:00

It's happening again.

With 'it' being the days when I wish I just didn't wake up.

2006-03-28T17:23:00.000+11:00

Just feeling shiny & anti-social. Psh.

I've been so edgy lately. And it's bad because it's not PMS. I've been snapping at people left & right-- so not me.

Dunk my head in ice water, will you?

----

Okay, I give up. You win. It's all yours. Now shoo.

2006-03-20T04:06:00.000+10:00

I was crying & you didn't even do anything. You didn't even ask why. You just carried on like I wasn't even there.

But then again, you were never there when I needed you the most, so why should this time be any different?

I guess that makes me godawfully dumb if I'm actually expecting you to actually give a damn about me.

I was doing so well. How did I get thrown off-track so easily?

2006-03-20T01:37:00.000+10:00

You don't want me around. You don't want me, period. Just say it. :(

2006-03-16T00:19:00.000+10:00

Maybe the reason why I'm working so hard on my dancing is because of someone.

Because I want that person to be proud of me & I want him to tell me that.

Sometimes I feel like he's ashamed of me. He doesn't go out of his way to make me feel that; he doesn't exactly say it-- but I just know it. And I want to change that & I feel like dancing is the only way I can do that.

2006-03-11T23:40:00.000+10:00

Stop being so nice to me or I'll be needing you all over again.

2006-03-11T04:55:00.000+10:00

I don't know if you realize this but 1) I actually have a life beyond going online, and 2) my life does not revolve around my fandom. So please don't limit my character by telling me what I should be doing.

Here's another thing. I value my personal time, so please don't make it sound like a federal offense when I say I want some time alone.

And a little consideration goes a long way too.

2006-03-05T04:07:00.000+10:00

You drove me into a corner. I told you to stop. You shut me up & drove me further into that corner. Only when I was this close to breaking did you turn to see what you've done.

Because of you, I lied to the people who wanted to save me. I took the blame for everything. I told everyone that if I hadn't been so weak, it wouldn't have happened. Because despite all you've done, I still wanted to protect you.

You even turned the tables against me & made it sound like I was really the one at fault.

And now you're doing it again.

I didn't say anything. I didn't make a fuss, because I didn't want trouble. We were messed up & fragile enough as we were. No matter how much it hurt, I decided to simply put up & shut up.

But now it just seems to me that you won't be able to feel that personal fulfillment unless the story ends up with you being absolutely better than me. If that's what you want, fine. What's the use of being (supposedly) the best when all I get is you whining & howling at my feet?

You win. You're smarter than me. You're better looking compared to me. You have the one thing I've always wanted; the one thing I'd given up so much for. You win. Now please leave me alone.

2006-03-04T15:02:00.000+10:00

Last night, I couldn't tell him the same thing he told me.

I've made saying 'I love you' sound so cheap.

2006-03-02T20:51:00.000+10:00

A lot people voice out their perception of me as a total sweetheart, but what they don't know is that I operate on the saying "never forget a favor, never forget a slight".

I just can't bring myself to forgive & forget. And I hate myself for it.

2006-02-28T23:35:00.000+10:00

I've always been someone who appreciated the concept of 'alone time', but as of late, I think my seeking for personal time is bordering on anti-social.

Or is it just the crowd?